My Gentle Lover or, I Am Funny Cat

Wow, the new year has really only barely started and I already have secret admirers crawling out of the woodwork.  Of course, they are either really stupid secret admirers or they are foreign.  I don't know which I find more appealing, to be honest.  There's something to be said about a dumb girl (although it's not kind, so I won't repeat it) and foreign can sometimes mean exotic.  Although, knowing my luck, exotic would equate to a moustache and six fingers.
Anyway, check this out!!
 
From: ALISSA MICHAELE <adams.shzt@hotmail.com>
To: mike@imboden.org
Date: Mon, Jan 18, 2010 at 9:39 AM
Subject: I write to you coz you very important
I am woman. I have a red hair with copper shimmering. My eyes is black. I am not high. I have beautiful skin. My hair is medium curly. I live in a big city. I work in beauty industry. I like to watch TV dramas. Representations in the performance pop stars on stage. I like music . I like sea. If you talk about me I am furry woman. Most of all in men I value sense of humor. When I you noticed at a party at a cafe. I lightning decided for myself must. Because I can be for you a gentle lover or someone great if you want. I'm wait.
 
Jumpin' Jesus!  I don't know where to start with this one!  I like the fact that she wants to be my "gentle lover", but I'm scared spitless when she says she will be a "furry woman" if I talk about her. And she's up-front about not being stoned when she wrote the e-mail – of course, based on the structure of it, I would have to say she's a liar.
 
So, I'm mulling over how I am going to tell Kim that she is being replaced by 'Alissa' -  my gentle lover with the black eyes and pelt of red hair that is "copper shimmering" – when I get THIS e-mail!
 
Date: Mon, Jan 18, 2010 at 11:56 AM
Subject: We are look each other but I find you your first.
I'm woman. I have a blonde hair with golden shining. My eyes is green. I am not high. I have beautiful butt. My hair is medium straight. I live in a not a big city. I work in tourism. I like to watch talk shows. Representations in the theater. I like horseback riding . I like desert. If you talk about me I am funny cat. Most of all in men I value sense of humor. When I saw you in subway. I lightning decided for myself : must. Because I can be for you a good lover or someone great if you want. I'm wait.
Whoa!  The coincidences are INCREDIBLE! Do Kacie and Alissa know each other?  Is this a competition between the two?  I'd have to say that I give the edge to Alissa since she's a bit more interesting.  Plus, it's obvious that Kacie just copied from Alissa.  Of course, she's a funny cat so that counts for something.
 
Unfortunately, neither girl remembered to send me a link to a secret website where I could see a special message that they wrote on their body and took pictures of.  So, sorry ladies – looks like you will have to just continue to wait.

Reason #137 Why This Country is in Trouble

This is totally ridiculous.

SAN DIEGO — Students were evacuated from Millennial Tech Magnet Middle School in the Chollas View neighborhood Friday afternoon after an 11-year-old student brought a personal science project that he had been making at home to school, authorities said.

Oh, this can’t be good, can it?

Maurice Luque, spokesman for the San Diego Fire-Rescue Department, said the student had been making the device in his home garage. A vice principal saw the student showing it to other students at school about 11:40 a.m. Friday and was concerned that it might be harmful, and San Diego police were notified.

This is REALLY starting to sound bad! In fact, it’s so scary I don’t think I should re-post any of it here.  Instead, CLICK HERE and read the story for yourself!

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2000-2009 – Looking Back

I was going to write a witty (at least witty to ME) countdown of the 9 most memorable things about the past decade, but I decided not to. Sure, there's been PLENTY of stuff to make fun of for the past ten years – so much so that it's hard to really just single out 9 things.

Instead, I'm just going to wing it here and write a little about whatever major events happened that made an impact on me. I'm not going to number this, but as always there's no importance to the order of my lists – just the order in which I write them down.

So, without any further ado — The Zeroes Remembered.

Michael Jackson Dies Suddenly

While he may have died suddenly in 2009, his body of work will always be here to entertain us. The king is dead – long live the king.

 
Mike Imboden Breaks into Comics

And the world of comics will never be the same again. I don’t know if that's for better or worse, though.

 
%$#@^ers Attack the United States

I could rant for hours here, but we all know what happened in 2001. There's no need in beating a dead horse with a topic that will probably just end up with people arguing anyway.

 
Mike and Kim Imboden Celebrate 20 Years of Marriage

It was a bumpy road, but we made it. And I couldn't think of anyone better to have ridden it with.

 
Mystery Science 3000 Closes Shop

While it sucked to see it end, the final episode rates up there with the last episode of Newhart as one of the most satisfying conclusions in TV history.

 
The Rise of the Zombie

While not new to the 2000's, it was during the past decade that the living dead "came to life" with tons of movies, books and great comics like "The Walking Dead" and "The Living Corpse" (yeah, that second one is based on a bit of bias. But it's MY list!)

 
New Orleans Is All But Destroyed by Hurricane Katrina

Again I risk stepping into political territory, but how can this not be mentioned? Monumental $@%&-ups by local, state and national governments shows the world that for all of our bravado, we're still pretty bad at taking care of our own. The visions of dead bodies and destruction looks like a horror movie.

 
Barrack Obama Elected President

So much for staying out of politics. For better or worse, Obama shatters the racial divide and becomes the President of the United States. Bible thumpers and right-wing freaks go insane in the months following.

 
Kim Imboden Becomes a Teacher

Hard work and dedication pay off as Kim realizes a dream of hers and becomes an elementary school teacher. As a footnote, the scandal and fall of the telecom industry – namely MCI/Worldcom – played a huge role in her getting here since she had been moving up in the ranks and had management written on her when everything crashed thanks to a few greedy jag-offs. Proof that there sometimes really is a silver lining to a dark cloud.

 
The Y2K Bug

Hahahahahahaha. Although, come on, you've gotta admit it would have been… "interesting" if everything had ground to a halt and stopped working.

 
The Shot Seen 'Round the World

Britney Spears, in a swirl of self-destruction, flashes her c-section scar and vagina to the world as she drunkenly climbs from a car. Proof that fame can easily tear down what it creates, she goes insane in the months and years to come.

 
The Internet

From Facebook and Twitter to online shopping and porn sites featuring midgets dressed as Ewoks, the Internet has changed not only the way we live, but the way we live with others. The jury is still out on whether or not this is a good thing or a bad thing.

And with that last one, it's appropriate that I end this. Good golly, Miss Molly – there's TONS of other stuff worth mentioning, but we'll leave it at what we've got. I'm sure you've got some, so feel free to post away in the comments.

See ya' next year!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

naughtysanta09

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Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from the Imbodens

kim and santa

Mr. and Mrs. Clause celebrated 20 years of wedded bliss September 8, 2009
(so did Mike and Kim)

The 2009 Imbodens in a Snapshot

Mike is now working as a temp at Wells Fargo (hates) and part time at Beyond Comics (loves) in Frederick.  He continues to write his comic book, “The Fist of Justice”.  You can find more information at http://www.fistofjustice.com

Kim is in her fifth year of teaching at Green Valley Elementary School in Frederick County.  She teaches Language Arts and Social Studies and loves it.  Of course, she still works Saturday morning at Stup’s Market to stay connected with the neighborhood and for the extra money!

David just finished his first semester of college at Frederick Community College.  He likes to refer to it as 13th grade.  His plan is to transfer to a four college to study film. 

James is now 12 and in 7th grade.  He’s a terrific honors student  and plays a few sports throughout the year.  He still continues to battle his mother daily over emptying the dishwasher. 

daves grad The Imbodens celebrate David’s High School Graduation June 2009

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Office Park @$$holes

Here’s a little feature I am going to call "Office Park @$$holes". 
Out first installment features three prime examples of laziness and utter disregard for anyone other than themselves.

Number one isn’t horrible, but still very dangerous. If you can reach the sides there, and actually over the edge onto the roof, there’s no reason NOT to scoop the rest of that mound off the roof.  Unless of course you are a total         @$$hole and don’t care.

>

Now – look at this douchebag. I love the little avalanche wing hanging off of the back there.  You mean to say you really couldn’t reach back and whack that off with your brush?!?  Plus, this mound is bigger both in length and width.  While those might be two good characteristics to have for something, it’s not when you’re talking about the snow on the roof of your vehicle.

And here is the winner.  This @$$clown didn’t even TRY to reach the roof.  There’s still snow hanging on the back of the truck.  Is that rear windshield wiper broken?  Seriously – this is a major accident waiting to happen right here. Way to go, douchey! Your complete and total lack of concern for anything or anything other than yourself, wins you my first ever "Office Park @$$hole" award!

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Fuckin’ Spam-bots

I just had to “moderate” roughly three dozen spam-bot attempts to plaster my comments with worthless URLS for weiner drugs, ineffective medicines and other crap.
As a result, to post a comment you will now need to enter one of those CAPTCHA letter/number combinations. I have it set for medium, and after a little testing, it only asks for four characters and they are pretty easy to read. If anyone has any problems with it, let me know via email (mikeATimbodenDOTorg) and I’ll fix it.
Eventually I’ll try and get it so that it only prompts new people to fill it out. But right now I don’t have the time to fiddle with and test the settings.
My apologies for even having to hook this thing up, but it’s either that or my email is filled with notifications to moderate messages which just end up being spam. And that’s annoying.

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Heck Yeah! It’s Movie Time!

I’m frickin’ addicted to these damn things!

Here’s a romantic comedy entitled “The Magic Room”
<a href="http://www.grapheine.com">Agence communication Paris Graphéine</a>

And here’s a summer blockbuster, action pic I like to call “Fair Warning”
<a href="http://www.grapheine.com">Graphiste indépendant Paris Lyon Graphéine</a>

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Can I Have Your Personal Info, Please?

So, I get an e-mail that goes a little something like this:

dateMon, Dec 14, 2009 at 2:51 AM
subjectMike i hope im not making a mistake

hello Mike, Can’t take in I’m really telling you this. Finally thinking of this note has my heart beating fast. To tell you the truth I’m not even sure if I can send it. Ok .. I … have feelings for you. I came up with an idea to tell it to u.. I did a secret blogpost for u ….. invisible blog for Mike. It really is making me nervous to write you .. you’d know why if you realized who i am… now that I have I’m certain I should send it.

"Invisible Blog for Mike" was a link which went to a Blogger post. Well, I know that a fat Chud like me isn’t going to have any secret admirers, so I figured right away that this was some sort of scam. So I decided to click through and see my "invisible blog".  Which, in hindsight was a dumb thing to do.  I mean, it’s INVISIBLE so I don’t know what I was expecting to see.  But, surprise, I actually COULD see something.  It was this:
Secret Blog for Mike
Last Updated: Today
Mike…
If you’re reading this I guess you got my e-mail. I’m still not completely sure about this but I can’t hide my feelings any longer. I want you to guess who I am and approach me yourself. To help you out with your guessing I made a few pictures and videos with Mike written on my body. Theyre kind of risque photos so I had to make a profile at http://www.newfriendly.com and post them there. My username in the members area is ILuvMike09. Its a free website but you might need a CC or Debit to verify your age because I had to. Sigh. But anyway sign up at http://www.newfriendly.com and once you are inside search for me. I want you to guess who I am and then approach me yourself. Im shy and this is the bravest thing Ive probably ever done but you need to do the rest.
Posted by Secret Admirer
Now, as I said, nobody’s gonna be pining for me from afar, let alone sending me risque photos of herself (or himself, I guess), so I knew this was BS. A 10 second Google search of "newfriendly.com" revealed that numerous other people got the same message.  The ones dumb enough to click all the way through verified what I already knew; this was a bad attempt at phishing my personal information.
Seriously.  You want to trick me out of my personal info?  Make the offer involving cheeseburgers or pizza or something.  If someone sent me an email that said "Dear Mike, I am working with Burger King and we’re testing out new menu items in your area.  Based on information we got from the web, we feel that you’d be a perfect candidate to help us evaluate these new foods.  For your time we will compensate you with a special card that will give you 25 free cheeseburgers.  To sign up for this taste testing, please send us your social security number so we can prepare your special "King Card".
A secret admirer?  Come on, I don’t buy that for a second.

Two More Movies

Making these stupid things is kind of fun.

This first film I have decided to call “Salad Fork”
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And this one is “My Tie”
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