Wow, the new year has really only barely started and I already have secret admirers crawling out of the woodwork.  Of course, they are either really stupid secret admirers or they are foreign.  I don't know which I find more appealing, to be honest.  There's something to be said about a dumb girl (although it's not kind, so I won't repeat it) and foreign can sometimes mean exotic.  Although, knowing my luck, exotic would equate to a moustache and six fingers.
Anyway, check this out!!
 
From: ALISSA MICHAELE <adams.shzt@hotmail.com>
To: mike@imboden.org
Date: Mon, Jan 18, 2010 at 9:39 AM
Subject: I write to you coz you very important
I am woman. I have a red hair with copper shimmering. My eyes is black. I am not high. I have beautiful skin. My hair is medium curly. I live in a big city. I work in beauty industry. I like to watch TV dramas. Representations in the performance pop stars on stage. I like music . I like sea. If you talk about me I am furry woman. Most of all in men I value sense of humor. When I you noticed at a party at a cafe. I lightning decided for myself must. Because I can be for you a gentle lover or someone great if you want. I'm wait.
 
Jumpin' Jesus!  I don't know where to start with this one!  I like the fact that she wants to be my "gentle lover", but I'm scared spitless when she says she will be a "furry woman" if I talk about her. And she's up-front about not being stoned when she wrote the e-mail – of course, based on the structure of it, I would have to say she's a liar.
 
So, I'm mulling over how I am going to tell Kim that she is being replaced by 'Alissa' -  my gentle lover with the black eyes and pelt of red hair that is "copper shimmering" – when I get THIS e-mail!
 
Date: Mon, Jan 18, 2010 at 11:56 AM
Subject: We are look each other but I find you your first.
I'm woman. I have a blonde hair with golden shining. My eyes is green. I am not high. I have beautiful butt. My hair is medium straight. I live in a not a big city. I work in tourism. I like to watch talk shows. Representations in the theater. I like horseback riding . I like desert. If you talk about me I am funny cat. Most of all in men I value sense of humor. When I saw you in subway. I lightning decided for myself : must. Because I can be for you a good lover or someone great if you want. I'm wait.
Whoa!  The coincidences are INCREDIBLE! Do Kacie and Alissa know each other?  Is this a competition between the two?  I'd have to say that I give the edge to Alissa since she's a bit more interesting.  Plus, it's obvious that Kacie just copied from Alissa.  Of course, she's a funny cat so that counts for something.
 
Unfortunately, neither girl remembered to send me a link to a secret website where I could see a special message that they wrote on their body and took pictures of.  So, sorry ladies – looks like you will have to just continue to wait.