Boy, Howdy – has it REALLY been two months since I last posted something here? Man, I am truly sorry for being such a slacker. A lot has happened (sort of) and a lot is going on (sort of), so I certainly need to update things.
But in the meantime, and to show you all that I still love you, please enjoy another movie. This one is a drama I like to call “Walmart”:
I’m frickin’ addicted to these damn things!
Here’s a romantic comedy entitled “The Magic Room”
And here’s a summer blockbuster, action pic I like to call “Fair Warning”
Making these stupid things is kind of fun.
This first film I have decided to call “Salad Fork”
And this one is “My Tie”
This first one is called “Chocolate Baby”
And this one is a film about the time honored tradition of the “Shotgun Fight”
Since I named the other ones, I figured I should go back and name these.
This one is “Poker Night”
And here we have “Crossword”
And our original film is the psychological thriller “Insanity”
Today was a bland day for names. There were the usual few that needed some vowels and others that looked like they were made up of letters randomly chosen from a bowl of Alphabet soup. Those sometimes produce some of the funnier ones because you just know their first name is picked at random more so than it seems the placement of the letters in their last name. With monikers like Tom Giunalsdiwrb, Martin Yfgboasafjw and William Pasugqweuniuasd you just KNOW these cats are getting flagged by the TSA and every Homeland Security agency under the sun. Poor guys.
Anyway… none of that has anything to do with today’s name. It’s what we call "filler" – stuff to pad things out and make them LOOK more than what they really are. Kind of like what was in the bra of Mary Sue Beckworth that night at the dance. YOU KNOW what I’m talking about!
OH! Sorry. So as I was saying, today’s names were "Blah" until I ran across this guy who no doubt has endured numerous jokes over the past seven or so months:
Ben Button
Oh the humanity! On the face of it, it’s a kind of cute name – kind of like what a rabbit or a teddy bear in a children’s book would be called. But when you lengthen that first name out you get a wrinkly old man who’s next birthday will drop him OUT of the octogenarian club! How much do you want to bet that the joke he’s heard most often since "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" came out is "Well, at least we won’t have to spend as much on candles next year!" or some variation thereof.
Sorry about your unfortunate name, Ben. Look at it this way; at least you have a name that actually spells something.
My job (albeit a temp one) is to review paperwork that has been scanned and comapre it against what we have in our computer systems. It’s very tedious and mind-numbing work, so to keep it enjoyable I look for interesting names. Part of me hopes I stumble across someone famous, but so far no luck there. But what I HAVE found are some very unfortunate names. My favorite one so far was "Richard Holder". Subtle, yet pretty hilaious. For me, at least. Richard probably hates the jokes by now.
Anyway, he was my favorite until today when, just minutes apart, I came across the following two names. I swear I am not making these up:
Mai Wang
Peter Dong
Peter’s name is pretty redundant, so it’s not as funny as Mai’s name. Mai – poor girl – probably doesn’t go a day without hearing some joke about her unfortunate name. The only thing that would make her situation any funnier would be if she was an urologist. It would be like an Abbott & Costello routine in her office;
"Doctor, my wang hurts."
"Doctor Wang hurts who?"
"No, not who, it."
"My wang. It hurts."
"No, she doesn’t. Not even a fly."
"Arggghhhhh!"
I swear, it’s like these people stepped right out of an "Austin Powers" movie!
And the winner of the Creepiest Santa in all the land….
..ta-da! Mr. Dirty Man-Child Santa!
I’m not sure what exactly it is that creeps me out about this nutty-ass looking old dude. Is it the child-like way he seems to be posing, as if to get down to the little girl’s level? Or is the semi-pedophillic way he seems to be seconds away from snatching her?
Maybe it’s both.
Whatever it is, the little girl senses it as well. She’s being a trooper, though, and sticking it out. But you can tell that she’s one “Uncle Santa has a candy cane in his pants pocket for you” away from going ape-shit hysterical on his ass.
And what the fuck is with this outfit? Is it casual fucking Friday at the North Pole or something?
Anyway, congrats you creepy bastard. You’re imboden.org’s CREEPY SANTA for 2008!
Holy hopping shit!
This guy isn’t so much creepy as just plain scary.
He looks like he’d be more at home with a bloody hatchet in his in hand rather than a crying child at his feet.
“Hi, Mister Santy Cwaus! For Cwistmas I’d wike a new DBD of the Wiggles!”
“Tell ya what, you little fucker; You can watch as I ram yer mom in her chimney and make her wiggle. Howzat?”
“…”
“Ah, get outta here ya shit stain.”
Geez… shouldn’t, I dunno, “Jovial” be a personality trait that the hiring agency should have a box to check on their Santa applications?
