Boy, Howdy – has it REALLY been two months since I last posted something here? Man, I am truly sorry for being such a slacker. A lot has happened (sort of) and a lot is going on (sort of), so I certainly need to update things.
But in the meantime, and to show you all that I still love you, please enjoy another movie. This one is a drama I like to call “Walmart”:
To all my American friends – Happy Thanksgiving! Today is not just a time to stuff yourself with enough food to feed an entire Ethiopian village for a week, watch football and give thanks to friends and loved ones – it also a time to rejoice in some bad movies. Following in the footsteps of the late, great, Mystery Science Theater 3000, today is a day to sit and watch some real “turkeys” – the worst that the movie industry has foisted upon us over the years. So to help you along in this grand tradition, I offer you my list of 9 essential episodes you should watch while you digest today’s over-indulgence. As always, it’s just a list – there’s no importance to the order other than it’s the order in which I typed them up.
There are many, MANY more “must-see” episodes, but this a good list that gives you A little Joel, a little Mike, the last episode and lots of laughs. Plus, it even includes a “Christmas” movie to help you along in the holiday season.
So, enjoy – and remember that when you touch yourself, the saints cry. Hikeeba!
I honestly have no idea what made me think of this list. But since I did, here you go. I purposely left off martial arts movies – even the “artsy” ones like “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” and hilarious ones like “Kung Fu Hustle”. Even though they both transcend their martial arts roots, I didn’t think it was fair to list them, otherwise I could have filled a whole list with just Jet Li and Jackie Chan films.
Here, then, is my list of Top 9 Foreign Language Films. As always, there is no particular order. Except for the last one in the list. That IS the best one. Gojira, King of the Monsters – Ishiro HondaA couple of comments:
If you’ve never seen THE SEVEN SAMURAI, I can’t stress how good a movie this is. It’s long, so be prepared, but it’s worth every minute. Once you see it, you’ll notice a lot of things that have been done in films since then, first and foremost being the story iself.
The unedited Japanse version of GODZILLA is a totally different movie than what you might recall the Perry Mason version being. Not that the Americanized version is light-hearted and fun, but the original is a dark film with a powerful message. Certainly a far cry from the drop-kicking Godzilla I first met as a kid back in the early 70s.
I could comment on each one, but then this would be very long, and my lists are just lists – I don’t explain ‘em or anything unless someone asks for a rationale or the topic comes up in the comments.
So – there ya’ go. The Top 9 Foriegn Language Films according to Mike. Go watch ‘em!
Starring: Jensen Daggett, Scott Reeves
Director: Rob Hedden
Runtime: 96 minutes
Rating: R
I caught this the other night on Showtime Beyond, or Showtime Extreme, or Showtime Insomnia, and promptly remembered why this rates up there as one of my least favorite entries in the Friday the 13th series.
In a nutshell, a couple of kids are out on a boat that catches a power line that hits a submerged-under-Crystal Lake Jason Voorhees and the power line zaps some life back into everyone’s favorite hockey-mask wearing serial killer. Jason climbs aboard, kills the kids and the boat drifts out to sea. This is where I start scratching my head. Since when was Crystal Lake connected to the ocean in any way? Perhaps I missed a key plot point, but this seems hard to swallow. Nonetheless, Jason winds up on a boat full of kids who have just graduated from high school and the fun and frivolity ensues. One by one, Jason starts offing these overly annoying 20-something looking “teenagers” until the boat explodes and the survivors end up in Manhattan. As luck would have it, Jason is still hot their trail.
Now, usually Jason is following one certain person, for one reason or another, and in this one we learn that the female lead was apparently attacked by a young Jason when her evil uncle pushed her over the side of a boat in, of course, Crystal Lake in order to teach her to swim. I’m guessing Jason has a thing about leaving business unfinished. However, a SERIOUS flaw in the series continuity arises from this; It’s established over the course of the series that Jason should be at least in his forties by the time this movie takes place. However, the main girl is 17-18, remember she’s a just-graduated high school senior. In the flashback she looks to be eight or nine, so we’ll be generous and say ten years has passed. There’s no way that this girl could have been attacked by a young Jason who should have drowned sometime around 1960, give or take a year or two. Of course, it’s not the only timeline continuity error in the series, so we’ll let it slide.
The movie itself departs from the norm of the campgrounds/woods setting. 3/4ths of the film is on the boat, the remaining 30 minutes or so are actually in the city. There are a couple of funny parts while Jason stalks down the center of Times Square. He scares some street thugs by showing his disfigured face and admires the picture of a NY Rangers goalie. Funnier still is the fact that no one, and I mean NO ONE, gives this moldy, most likely stinky, huge hulking creature carrying a big knife and wearing a hockey mask a second glance! Then again, it IS New York we’re talking about.
I won’t give away the ending, but suffice it to say it’s bad. We’re used to seeing Jason get “killed” and we’re expecting it in this one, but director Rob Hedden gets creative with the movie’s ending which was, thankfully, totally forgotten and ignored in part 8.
All in all, it’s a decent slasher flick, but not up to snuff with the rest of the series.
ACTING: 
STORY:
EFFECTS:
“RE-WATCHABILITY”:
OVERALL:
(This was originally posted on imboden.org back some time around 2002. My feelings on the movie haven’t changed in that time)
Holy shit, man. My formative years are dying left and right. Michael Jackson a month ago and now John Hughes? Damn… John Hughes movies helped a gazillion teens in the 80s realize that being different was okay and that everybody wasn’t as different as you might think. That it didn’t matter if you weren’t part of the “In Crowd”, you could still come out on top. As a writer, director and producer, Hughes put his Midas Touch on dozens of movies and helped launch (or boost) the career of just as many actors and actresses. From “Sixteen Candles” and Molly Ringwald to “Mr. Mom” and Michael Keaton, he was to comedy what Hitchcock was to suspense.
So, in loving memory of a man who I never met but who had a fairly profound impact on me both in molding my sense of humor and making my teenage years a little more bearable, I present a list of the top 9 movies that John Hughes either wrote or directed (or did both). As usual with my lists, there is no set order.
SIXTEEN CANDLES (1984, writer and director)
THE BREAKFAST CLUB (1985, writer and director)
WEIRD SCIENCE (1985, writer and director)
FERRIS BUELER’S DAY OFF (1986, writer and director)
PRETTY IN PINK (1986, writer)
MR. MOM (1983, writer)
SHE’S HAVING A BABY (1988, writer and director)
VACATION (1983, writer)
PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES (1987, writer and director)
G’bye, John. Thanks for everything.
For no reason other than because I can, here are my top 5 best scary movies.
5. Jaws – This movie single handily put a crimp in many beach front resorts when it came out, it scared people THAT much! It’s no secret that Spielberg wanted the shark to appear much earlier than when it first did, but due to mechanical problems they had to settle for far less shots than they wanted. And it worked to their advantage because we’re all much more afraid of what we CAN’T see because our imaginations – as crazy as they can be – do a more than adequate job of filling in what our eyes don’t see. The scariest aspect of the movie is that there is no reason for the shark to go after people. He’s not seeking vengeance for anything, he’s just… well, just being a shark. And it’s that randomness – that he could strike anyone – so scary.
4. Alien – It’s a good thing no one can you hear you scream in space, because once this one gets going its non-stop chills. The dark and shadowy corridors of the ship, the remoteness and lack of (potential) outside help and the unknown aspect of what the characters were up against all work in tandem to make this a truly horrifying movie. And like our #1 movie, it does it without a lot of gore or blood (aside from the one, obvious scene of course).
3. Poltergeist – A truly scary movie from the mind of Stephen Spielberg (shit, this makes it TWO movies he had his mitts on!). I think what makes this one so spooky is the way it takes the fears we surely all had as children – shadows in our bedrooms, strange noises outside the window, etc., – and gives them (scary) faces. That shadow? It’s just a big stuffed clown. THAT WANTS TO KILL YOU! The weird ‘scritching’ noise outside your window? It’s just a tree branch scraping the glass. THAT BELONGS TO A TREE THAT WANTS TO KILL YOU! It doesn’t hurt that the family is a typical, suburban family – the kind of family you might belong to, or at least live next door to.
2. The Night of the Living Dead – the original by George Romero. It’s nowhere near as shocking today as it was back when it was originally released, but it still holds up quite well. The zombies are like a force of nature; they can be slowed down but never truly stopped. Sure, you can kill (re-kill?) one with a shot to the head or burning it up, but one or two more just show up to take its place. I’m not going to get into the political/sociological message(s) here, but they ARE easily found and pretty spot on, especially for the 60s (less so now, but sadly still evident). The ending is quite a downer, too. Something that not too many movies ever have the balls to do. Do yourself a favor and track down a good print of this movie. There are tons of public domain pieces of shit out there, so look carefully.
1. Halloween – The original by John Carpenter. Despite coming out after (the original) Black Christmas, many people – myself included – consider this to be the granddaddy of all ‘slasher’ pics. It defined the entire genre for years to come with all of it’s trappings; the first person POV of the killer, the (now cliche) group of girls – the party girls and the virgin – jump scares, creative kills, false deaths of the killer and the ‘surprise’ ending. There’s not a lot of blood in the movie and none of the gore that has come to represent horror in today’s market. And truth be told, you doesn’t miss it. Carpenter’s simplistic yet incredibly creepy musical score add the final, perfect touch to this horror masterpiece.
(a few that didn’t make this Top 5 list, but are certainly worthy of spots 6-10, if I went that far, would be (in no order): The Exorcist, The Omen, The Blair Witch Project, Open Water and Psycho)
